Recently I spontaneously decided to join an Instagram LIVE session of one of my followers, simply to tune in and be nosey lol. I had never spoken to this gentleman before other than liking a couple post and scrolling on. However, the first few bites of this LIVE had me HOOKED! The follower that I chose to “intrued upon” was an African-American male more than likely in his mid to late 30’s. He was speaking on “If you could be PRO-BLACK and still date outside of your race?”. This has always been a touchy topic for African-American Women as WE are often the ones targeted or chosen LAST, after white women, Indian women and whatever other race. Regardless of the escalating rates of black women obtaining a higher education, not being bogged down with 3-4 “baby daddy’s”, securing their OWN home, OWN car and paying their OWN bills ( which is what Black men claim to find pleasing in the hunt to find a suitable partner), it seems we are STILL losing the race when it comes to being selected by our “Black Kings”. Either due to our “personalities” or because having a different race woman means she’s “exotic” and strokes his ego. Somewhere along the way the conversation turned into something much deeper…we began to talk about dating in general and how black men have changed in regards to how they treat ALL women no matter the RACE.
*First off let me offer my opinion on the above question:
“Can you be Pro-Black and still date outside of your race?”
My answer to this is OF COURSE!!! Taking pride in who you are, your heritage and your skin complexion has NOTHING to do with who you connect with physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. As long as they respect how you feel about your race and your people and do not take it as a slander that you selected them over a member of your own genre. I personally do not see an issue with this…I do see an issue with Black Men that state “I don’t like Black Women due to (Fill in the Blank). This to me is not only direct disrespect but also the highest level of ignorance in my book considering their mother was more than likely a BLACK WOMAN or somewhere along the line a BLACK WOMAN was utilized in the making of THEM! In other words it’s the self-hate that I can’t wrap my head around.
I could take this blog left field and say that it is just their sheer DUMB LUCK FOR PICKING THE CHICKEN HEADS AND B*TCHES OF THE BUNCH, because “we are NOT all the same” a quote that seems to be embedded in EVERY man’s DNA when a woman feels the need to be CAUTIOUS due to past mistakes! However, instead I will say, it is unfortunate that their selections did not provide the outcomes they were expecting however, hopefully they have learned to spot these red flags in ALL women…not just black women….
********************************************Now…moving along…the conversation turned into one about “relationships and dating” in general, I will try to keep this post specific to the characteristics I have noticed in regards to BLACK MEN and not stray too far into the “dating/courting” space because that is for a WHOLE NOTHER BLOG.
A gentleman came aboard the LIVE and asked:
“Am I wrong for expecting some sort of reciprocity (physical) from a woman if I take her out on a lovely evening and spend a decent amount of money ($100+) on our date?“
This question urked my nerves from the moment it left his lips due to the fact that he is not the FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH, SIXTH, SEVENTH etc etc etc. BLACK male I have heard ask this completely ignorant and misogynistic question! Just because you spend money on a woman means she owes you her BODY??? Is this a date or are you ORDERING A PROSTITUTE?! Many Black men have felt a black WOMAN misled them or led them on, simply for a free meal or drinks or whatever! But in reality….WE DONT NEED YOU TO BUY OUR FOOD AND DRINKS!!! It’s nice to have a man say we look nice and that they enjoy looking at us BECAUSE SOME OF US HAVE REALLY LOW SELF ESTEEM and enjoy being seen and getting ATTENTION! When a dude feels because he paid for a meal, we should allow them into our bodies it makes me wonder how they would feel if a dude said that to his daughter!!!! Dumb ASF RIGHT!!!!!
In fact since you think after a couple dates I owe you @ss, then after we screw I want to be IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!😂💪🏾🏆 Oh is that too much??? 👀👀👀
My next topic is men that are afraid to spend ANY MONEY on a woman because he “has been hurt in the past”. I understand that but guess what sweetie…”WE ALL BEEN HURT!!!!!” Stop using it as an excuse to be CHEAP OR CHINCHY!!! Then wonder why a woman left you for a man with MORE MONEY!!!! If she left it was because you made her feel she wasn’t worth it!
Keep in mind, I am speaking on behalf of Strong Black Women not Strong Black Bxtches (check out my blog on that if you don’t know the difference). If you have COMMUNICATED what your intentions where and she road with it then pulled the plug SEVERAL times before the act and y’all are GROWN!!!! Then you may need to give her some space! If all she wants to do is shop and spend money and never returns with so much as a new razor for you DUMP HER!!! These characteristics do not have a RACE! Also BLACK MEN need to realize that while in most cases your “heart is tied to your wallet” unless you plan to be with your wallet ALONE you must learn to share with a partner you can TRUST!! Life is hard not just for you but PERIOD!!!
Social media enjoys broadcasting loose women seemingly obsessed with money and sex (Cardi, Meghan, etc). Black men more so than any are the most impressionable population for this sort of publicity due to feelings of personal inadequacy that dates back to the WILLIE LYNCH LETTER!!!! There are several reasons HOW and WHY but this post would NEVER END!
As always I appreciate you for reading and reflecting with me! I hope to hear from you soon!