Dear Black Men, We Don’t Want Your MONEY!!! 💰 💵

Recently I spontaneously decided to join an Instagram LIVE session of one of my followers, simply to tune in and be nosey lol. I had never spoken to this gentleman before other than liking a couple post and scrolling on. However, the first few bites of this LIVE had me HOOKED! The follower that I chose to “intrued upon” was an African-American male more than likely in his mid to late 30’s. He was speaking on “If you could be PRO-BLACK and still date outside of your race?”. This has always been a touchy topic for African-American Women as WE are often the ones targeted or chosen LAST, after white women, Indian women and whatever other race. Regardless of the escalating rates of black women obtaining a higher education, not being bogged down with 3-4 “baby daddy’s”, securing their OWN home, OWN car and paying their OWN bills ( which is what Black men claim to find pleasing in the hunt to find a suitable partner), it seems we are STILL losing the race when it comes to being selected by our “Black Kings”. Either due to our “personalities” or because having a different race woman means she’s “exotic” and strokes his ego. Somewhere along the way the conversation turned into something much deeper…we began to talk about dating in general and how black men have changed in regards to how they treat ALL women no matter the RACE.

*First off let me offer my opinion on the above question:

“Can you be Pro-Black and still date outside of your race?”

My answer to this is OF COURSE!!! Taking pride in who you are, your heritage and your skin complexion has NOTHING to do with who you connect with physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. As long as they respect how you feel about your race and your people and do not take it as a slander that you selected them over a member of your own genre. I personally do not see an issue with this…I do see an issue with Black Men that state “I don’t like Black Women due to (Fill in the Blank). This to me is not only direct disrespect but also the highest level of ignorance in my book considering their mother was more than likely a BLACK WOMAN or somewhere along the line a BLACK WOMAN was utilized in the making of THEM! In other words it’s the self-hate that I can’t wrap my head around.

I could take this blog left field and say that it is just their sheer DUMB LUCK FOR PICKING THE CHICKEN HEADS AND B*TCHES OF THE BUNCH, because “we are NOT all the same” a quote that seems to be embedded in EVERY man’s DNA when a woman feels the need to be CAUTIOUS due to past mistakes! However, instead I will say, it is unfortunate that their selections did not provide the outcomes they were expecting however, hopefully they have learned to spot these red flags in ALL women…not just black women….

********************************************Now…moving along…the conversation turned into one about “relationships and dating” in general, I will try to keep this post specific to the characteristics I have noticed in regards to BLACK MEN and not stray too far into the “dating/courting” space because that is for a WHOLE NOTHER BLOG.

A gentleman came aboard the LIVE and asked:

“Am I wrong for expecting some sort of reciprocity (physical) from a woman if I take her out on a lovely evening and spend a decent amount of money ($100+) on our date?“

This question urked my nerves from the moment it left his lips due to the fact that he is not the FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH, SIXTH, SEVENTH etc etc etc. BLACK male I have heard ask this completely ignorant and misogynistic question! Just because you spend money on a woman means she owes you her BODY??? Is this a date or are you ORDERING A PROSTITUTE?! Many Black men have felt a black WOMAN misled them or led them on, simply for a free meal or drinks or whatever! But in reality….WE DONT NEED YOU TO BUY OUR FOOD AND DRINKS!!! It’s nice to have a man say we look nice and that they enjoy looking at us BECAUSE SOME OF US HAVE REALLY LOW SELF ESTEEM and enjoy being seen and getting ATTENTION! When a dude feels because he paid for a meal, we should allow them into our bodies it makes me wonder how they would feel if a dude said that to his daughter!!!! Dumb ASF RIGHT!!!!!

In fact since you think after a couple dates I owe you @ss, then after we screw I want to be IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!😂💪🏾🏆 Oh is that too much??? 👀👀👀

My next topic is men that are afraid to spend ANY MONEY on a woman because he “has been hurt in the past”. I understand that but guess what sweetie…”WE ALL BEEN HURT!!!!!” Stop using it as an excuse to be CHEAP OR CHINCHY!!! Then wonder why a woman left you for a man with MORE MONEY!!!! If she left it was because you made her feel she wasn’t worth it!

Keep in mind, I am speaking on behalf of Strong Black Women not Strong Black Bxtches (check out my blog on that if you don’t know the difference). If you have COMMUNICATED what your intentions where and she road with it then pulled the plug SEVERAL times before the act and y’all are GROWN!!!! Then you may need to give her some space! If all she wants to do is shop and spend money and never returns with so much as a new razor for you DUMP HER!!! These characteristics do not have a RACE! Also BLACK MEN need to realize that while in most cases your “heart is tied to your wallet” unless you plan to be with your wallet ALONE you must learn to share with a partner you can TRUST!! Life is hard not just for you but PERIOD!!!

Social media enjoys broadcasting loose women seemingly obsessed with money and sex (Cardi, Meghan, etc). Black men more so than any are the most impressionable population for this sort of publicity due to feelings of personal inadequacy that dates back to the WILLIE LYNCH LETTER!!!! There are several reasons HOW and WHY but this post would NEVER END!

As always I appreciate you for reading and reflecting with me! I hope to hear from you soon!

Dirty Buddha 🕌

Sometimes I wonder if “religion” is the root of all evil. By no means am I suggesting that people do not need SOMETHING to believe in, because without certain values and principles who knows what this world would become. As if things are not bad enough, imagine a world without the sheer existence of the “golden Rule”, to “do unto others as you would have them to do unto you”. In some cases religion is the only thing keeping some of us attached to reality. “Faith” in something or someone, a higher power that sees and knows all that works as an imaginary line in the sand that says “you are going to far” or “still you have so much further to go”.

I personally identify as a Christian but still other religions such as Buddhism, Taoism, Satanism, Judaism, Catholic even Wiccan or Muslim all have a center focus to “do no harm” the error in a seemingly fool proof standard is “who is deciding what is good and what is evil? While all seem to be founded on the same principle which is to answer to a being other than ones self. Someone has decided what that looks like. While I pray to God others pray to other sources and this does not necessarily make them wrong so it turns out. Even the Bible says God goes by MANY names. Is it possible he is all of these things.

Some choose not to honor a higher power at all and are guided instead by an internal standard known as common sense. They pose the question “do I truly need to go to church or some variant of a ceremonial congregation on any certain day at any certain time for the rest of my life to be a “good person”. “Do I need a book to tell me not to kill, steal or destroy other people’s belongings”, and when asked about the desire for an after life they simply shrug and ask “if there is an after life how do we TRULY know who got in or did not? Nobody is able to come back and tell us”. Again our great book states to walk by faith and not by sight which to me would stand as a catch all stamp on the many unanswered questions that religion breeds however, still some choose not to buy in.

God, Lord, Yahweh, El Shaddai, and many other names have been utilized to pay respect to the same person. Who are we to say his name is not also Buddha, Allah or any other name if the morals and principles are all the same even the promise of eternal life in exchange for “serving him” while in our human form here on earth. The story that stands out to me the most when considering this is the story of the Tower of Babel in the Bible. The Lord came down and saw that the people had built a tower so high it almost reached heaven. The lord stated “if they can do this soon they will reach heaven and be like me” there for he gave them all different languages which hindered them from being able to communicate with one another to progress any further in the building of the structure.

Is it possible that “religion” split off into many different branches at this very moment? As the people fumbled to translate the same story and facts observed, just as certain words and gestures mean different things depending on the language this could have been the cause for the screw. The only principles that seem standard are the 10 commandments:

1) “I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any strange gods before Me.”

2) “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

3) “Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.”

4) “Honor thy father and mother.”

5) “Thou shalt not kill.”

6) “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

7) “Thou shalt not steal.”

8) “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

9) “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”

10) “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.”

These all seem like common sense rules and guidelines therefore is it truly necessary to have a “religion” at all? I look forward to your comments and feedback 💕

“Ruins” SomeDopeBlackGirlWrites, Copyright 2021

“Who If Not US Will Advocate For OUR CHILDREN” -Sarah Herbin 🧸

Greetings All! I am pleased to inform you that I have recently written and published my FIRST African-American Children’s book entitled “Same Kind of People”. I am more than thrilled at the insight it has given my friends, family, loved ones and supporters. The book is based on the fact that WE (Black people) are seen in the eyes of other cultures and nationalities as the “SAME KIND OF PEOPLE” regardless of our skin pigment (some red, yellow, dark brown etc), Hair type (curly, straight, kinky), height, weight, style or gender.

We are all BLACK and should be PROUD of the many achievements, milestones, historical statements we have made and hurdles we have overcome within society. We must also celebrate the movement of Black Lives Matter that has become WORLDWIDE after the untimely and unjustified deaths of individuals such as: George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Sandra Bland, Trayvon Martin and others R.I.H. 10% of the sales of my book will be donated to the African-American non-profit foundation entitled “The Black Child Development Institute” in Greensboro, NC. Their mission is to improve and advance the quality of life for black children and their families through education and advocacy. They provide black children MOST LIKELY NOT to succeed academically with study materials, academic supplies, tutoring, after-school programs and summer camps.

I never thought I would be an ACTUAL author, even though I have enjoyed writing blogs in my spare time for many years. I simply liked to vent or speak on topics that were prominent. However, I am more than honored to have a stamp on the world now, no matter how tiny or how small. I am a part of the change I wish to see! Here is a sneek peek of the book and the link to order on Amazon for yourself or your babes story time <3.

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️Amazon Link ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Click or Copy and Paste

“Raw” (See Galleria 📸)

Original Photography By: SomeDopeBlackGirlWrites, copyright 2021

“When Doves Cry” 🕊

Recently I was watching the movie “The Last Dragon”. This film is a cult classic, fictional tale involving a young black male by the name of “Bruce Leroy” that enjoys studying martial arts. He somehow is in the right place at the wrong time and bumps into Lora (Vanity) a popular singer and star of a make believe t.v. music show called “Seven Heaven”. It never dawned on me that the same Vanity that played Lora was also the same Vanity that dated the singer Prince for a number of years and was the real person behind his made up co-star Apollonia in his autobiographical film “Purple Rain”.

I recalled hearing a few years ago that Vanity had passed away due to kidney failure. However, there was nothing more said about it. I reflected on reading a book entitled “The Heroine Diaries: One year in the life of a shattered Rock Star” that she dated the lead singer Nikki Sixx of the Motley Crue after dating Prince for three years, with Nikki she became addicted to drugs such as Heroine, cocaine etc. She had stared in several films, as well as had a hit song entitled “Nasty Girl” which was utilized in the background of the stripper scene in Beverly Hills Cop as well as every other 80’s sex scene! However, never hitting the mark of stardom required to be a household name such as Prince aka “the symbol” or the Motley Crue she became an evangelist and before her passing become encompassed in saving souls for the Lord.

It’s cool she decided to give her life to Christ before her home going. It goes to show us all that no matter what you have been through or what life you have lived you are never too lost for the most high! Money does not buy happiness and at the end of the day ALL must go through him. But before I begin PREACHING, let me continue! Two months later Prince was found dead in the elevator of his residence at Paisley Park. He passed the SAME AGE as Vanity and only TWO MONTHS LATER!

Prince had been married after vanity but after his wife suffered two miscarriages it tore their marriage apart and they divorced. There are no reports of Prince remarrying and he had no children. Vanity didn’t have much luck in love either, she was previously married also to former Raiders NFL player and convicted murderer Anthony Smith they divorced a year after marrying. Both Prince and Vanity continued to be close friends as well as found religion as a common ground to deepen their relationship and bond.

With this being said, this is only my speculation but is it possible that Prince overdosed on Opiods because he could not live without Vanity? They passed at the same age, same year, two months apart and Prince claimed to have named Vanity “Vanity” because she was the female image of himself. Similar to Romeo and Juliet could Prince have heard of Vanity’s passing and become engulfed in depression? The last person Prince supposedly spoke to before he passed was Will Smith. Will never divulged the conversation they had the day before he was found dead however, could he have told him how hurt he was about losing the unofficial love of his life and friend Vanity?

Prince spoke briefly about the passing of Vanity stating “She loved me for the artist I was, I loved her for the artist she was trying to be” a bit vain and even boastful in the sense that it seems he is undercutting the ARTIST SHE ACTUALLY WAS. She was an actor, singer, dancer and pastor. How could he not have been happy for her accomplishments as she was happy for his. Perhaps this is why it never worked between them romantically.

“Honey Can You Wash My Back” 📸 (Galleria)

Original Photography By: Some Dope Black Girl Writes “Honey Can You Wash My Back?” Copyright 2021

NO YOU CAN NOT TOUCH MY HAIR!!!! 👑

When someone asks to touch my hair my VERY first thought is WHY??? Are we still not to long past being an anomaly for Caucasian people? It’s HAIR!! How often are caucasians asks this question? Hardly EVER! Why? Is it boring hair or something? What if I was in a grocery store line and out of nowhere asked a white woman if I could touch her hair. She would probably look at me like I had three eyes on my head!

Even though I will admit my hair is a bit of an eye catcher with over 100 trinkets and accessories within my locs, I personally still would not think of asking a stranger if I could touch their hair. Not only because it is weird but also unsanitary! African Americans as well as the loc style were often referred to as “dirty”, “filthy” and “unkept”. Why now is it an attraction to be pet like an animal?!

To take it a step further, I happen to be someone that believes energy, vibes and intentions can be transferred through touch, especially on the head which directly reaches your thoughts. In some cultures men only allow their wives, mother or children to touch his hair. Women in the Middle East cover their heads and hair only allowing it to be seen by her husband and children. To touch someone’s hair without their permission would be complete disrespect.

On behalf of us Black Peoples, we appreciate your admiration and interest in our locs and crowns however, please keep your hands to yourself, NO YOU CAN NOT TOUCH MY HAIR!!!!

“Wifey”….💍

• 

Recently while scrolling along my Facebook timeline, I noticed a friend of mine posted this picture on her page. In my opinion, it not only questioned a woman’s priorities but most importantly her “loyalty”. The picture depicted a thin solo blanket spread along the floor in the place of a bed, outlined in what appears to be Christmas lights, with sofa throw pillows propped upon the wall, a centerpiece comprised of a small candle and two wine glasses resting neatly on what looks to be a silver platter placed on a fury space rug complete with a trail of rose petals leading the way for a “romantic touch”. I answered in the comments section of this photo without delay “HELL NO!” I then shared this same photo to my own Facebook and allowed my friends to answer the very same question I had. The responses blew my mind to say the least:

Women from all backgrounds, ethnicities and walks of life without hesitation responded “Stay”. Only one responder thought to ask the question “for how long?” Then went on to state “this would not be acceptable for her long term, she would not “stay” UNLESS an uncontrollable situation was at hand ie: the man had recently moved and was awaiting his furniture, even then he would have to AT LEAST provide an air mattress or hotel room. I could have hugged this woman till the end of time! Simply because SOMEONE other than myself saw a problem here!!! Some women even went on to say “it’s the thought that counts!” as if it would matter the least bit to your aching back first thing in the morning when you awoke to the natural light shining in on the reality that you just allowed a man to sucker you into not only sleeping on the floor, but thinking you were special because he chose YOU to do it!!! In my opinion, women have become so complacent and accepting due to a male instigated stigma that she should be “humble” and WAIT “for a man to get his shxt together” to show her loyalty, commitment and dedication to HIM! If not she is labeled a gold digger, not a “ride or die” and overall “unworthy” of his riches when he DOES accrue them!

Dating back to biblical times women were a sought after and prized centerpiece to a man’s life. A man would work for 14 years without pay simply to have the woman’s hand in marriage he truly loved; now days men barely want to work. Especially if she happens to already be well educated and established. Once upon a time men would fight for a woman’s honor, shower them with gifts and even attempt to win over the woman’s family especially her father by showcasing how financially stable, physically dependable and logical he was….yet here we are now in the year 2021 accepting a blanket on the floor surrounded in Christmas lights! The only plus was that whoever the fellow was that set up the ambiance was generous enough to place it near a wall plug so she can AT LEAST charge her phone! That’s if he paid the electricity bill. Why has it become a woman’s burden to accept a man for who and where he is in life, especially if she has surpassed him?

Even Disney princess’s have higher standards than us!! Now days all he must do is buy her a Wendy’s combo and if she is “the one” she will be grateful! ESPECIALLY if he allows her to supersize it from a 4 count nugget to a 6! This means he must REALLY LIKE HER!!! Ladies……CUT IT OUTTTT!!!!

The number one MYTH women always seem to think or fall for is: “If I stay this will guarantee my position in his life and in his heart”.

Did Mary J. Blige teach yall NOTHING!!!! While she bellowed on for 4 minutes in the song “Not Gon Cry” about how she worked day & night for a man as his lover and secretary, assisting him in getting his business and affairs together for 11 YEARS only to find he was HAVING AN AFFAIR and wanted another woman instead! She said she wasn’t “going to cry” yet did just that the entire song.

Ladies let’s get back to standards. Demanding that a man do his part and play his role in the relationship is NOT asking for too much! We need to stop offering free samples of what a WIFE would be like to men that ARENT OFFERING SAMPLES OF A HUSBAND. Stop settling for the title of “wifey” while doing WIFE duties, that’s like accepting a lower position at work but doing your supervisors job! I know my post may come off as blunt or even like I am bashing ALL men trying to better themselves with a great woman but it’s not true. There are some that do not mind doing for a woman, simply in a bad place AT THE MOMENT. Some men have done for a woman in the past and been done wrong. This can jade them from wanting to do this again and run the risk the bad luck of getting another “using @ss woman”.

However, women risk themselves EVERYTIME we give ourselves emotionally, mentally and physically. If we held back in any of those areas, a relationship would cease to exist. Drop the excuse for being selfish, greedy and bitter men and continue to show women what they NEED YOU FOR!!!! Y’all constantly saying you hate women that “act like they don’t need a man” but who would? Seeing that we have our own jobs, pay our own bills, sponsor our own upkeep and dildos now come with bunny ears 😇. I’m not being stuck up for NOT wanting to give it up on the floor (unless we moved there from the BED😝).

Who’s Going to Break the Generational Curse, of believing their Generation was ever CURSED!!!!✨✨

Recently while I was scrolling along my blog timeline, I came upon a fellow bloggers post eloquently written by Wafflebywemzentitled entitled “Generational Trauma” https://wafflebywemz.wordpress.com/2021/02/01/generational-trauma/ . The picture displayed after the title is what made me stop! It was a picture of Lisa Simpson clearly frustrated with her hands out and eyes bulged with words over her head that read “Why do I have to be the one to break all of these Generational Curses”. I read the post through and even doubled back and read it again to ensure I understood the stand-point this writer was coming from.

She speaks about childhood trauma and situations that may have taken place in our younger years, that may have left permanent bruises on our hearts and minds. She was careful to describe each situation as it could pertain to an INDIVIDUAL not ALL however, I feel she hit the nail on the head when she addressed how some feel the need to carry on a particular parenting style, attitude, mind-set/thought-process or energy from their parents or people they were brought up by, in spite of understanding the negative effects it had on them. She states some individuals state “I turned out alright” then she poses the question “did you turn out alright BECAUSE of the maltreatment or IN SPITE of it”.

The unwavering and upsetting truth about this is that these individuals unleash the same negative energy, vibes and aura as their predecessor by CHOICE or by lack of EFFORT to find a more productive and positive way! STOP BLAMING “GENERATIONAL CURSES” for your abusive, negative, harmful, trauma inducing behaviors! It’s not a CURSE it’s YOU! Nobody is living in a castle waiting for a prince to come kiss them, or trapped in the woods with an evil witch that made them bite a poisonous apple! The truth is the ONLY curse is the one you utilize an an excuse to continue the same hurtful tactics to attempt to absorb some sense of closure or vindictive malice to help retrieve whatever it was YOU loss when the person that did it to you executed their actions and you were unable to protect yourself. Truth is….if you were beat to a pulp by your parents, to beat your children like that would be SEEKING REVENGE on your child for something they did not do and do not deserve. FACE IT!!! You ARE an ABUSER! YOU are a CHEATER! You are a LIAR! YOU are an ALCOHOLIC! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU!!!

STOP BLAMING an inanimate object or fiction of your imagination to attempt to band-aid the fact that the very person you use to despise YOU HAVE BECOME and just as you could not protect yourself from that individual then, YOU ARE STILL A SLAVE to them if you can’t DO BETTER by not REPEATING there actions or carrying on their legacy of these negative ideas. Get HELP, figure out how to make a better choice than they did. DEFINITELY stop saying you’re cursed….because it seems the only curse that has been passed down is believing THERE IS ONE!

Original Photography By House of Alexander

Thestudiosofalexander.com website for booking a professional photoshoot for any occasion.

Ganja Games 💨

It has always been crazy to me when I have had to literally blow up a plugs phone to get them to answer or send me their location so I could grab a bag. It seems they usually have no job or work seldom, their kids are with the mother or grandmother and from the looks of their social media “Love to make money, show it off and party” however, they always seem aggravated or like they are doing YOU a favor by selling their product. Many times I have felt the need to make a RESERVATION the day before to pick up a bag of herbs in a random parking lot. Most times they don’t have a car, meaning you have to drive to them and run the risk of them asking if you can drop them off some place else!

This is always a sticky situation because you don’t want to make your plug feel as bad as they made you feel when you were trying to “shop with them”. Also you don’t know who is watching them or for that matter NOW WATCHING YOU! I usually make up some excuse not to take them or why they shouldn’t ride with me and dip as fast as I can out of the location. I already run the possibility of getting caught up in an undercover sting or drug bust for an 8th, now you want me to take you to Burger King so we can both grab a double Whopper, a shake and side of DRUG TRAFFICKING! Nah fam….

Another reason it is a mission to have to hike to your connects house which is usually on the other side of town is because plugs usually live in sketchy areas, meaning you shouldn’t be there unless you live there also, visiting someone or “shopping”. Usually the whole neighborhood is on watch for when you come in and when you leave out, since they are fully aware they reside in the middle of a drug ring and possibly even participate. Riding down the block to the “Carter” is like walking the green mile, it is an unspoken rule that you don’t look left or right out of your window because that looks “suspicious”, you should already know what house you are going too therefore, have no reason to be nosy and look around at any other door or patio along your way; No need to wave or look friendly since nobody else should know you…unless you pick up from them too.

Original Photography By: Some Dope Girl Writes, copyright 2021

Never the less, the best part are the plugs that try to get you to run a deal WITH THEM! AKA an extra gram for some “extra attention”. I have never been a fiend therefore, the extra isn’t necessary and even if it was I have no problem dropping the extra $10 to keep my dignity, pride and draws ON! The day I decide to drop to my knees and supply a 10 minute blow job for 10 extra dollars of green is the day I make a “fans ONLY” page and put a “For Rent” sign on my ass! Life has had it’s moments, but it’s never been that bad…I know…”Never Say Never”….unless it has to deal with laying butt naked on the bare floor of a plugs house which usually is not congruent with the money they seem to bring in! It has always amazed me how they can flash so many bands and still squat in a one bedroom shack eating beans straight out of the can, decked out in Coogi and Prada. I guess this would be the “trap house” but usually they LIVE in the trap house or with they mammas. The only trap seems to be thinking that THIS is the HIGH life….