Single Mother or Domestic KIDNAPPER? ⛓

“There is a crisis of UNPRECEDENTED MAGNITUDE in the black community, one that goes to the very heart of its survival, THE BLACK FAMILY IS FAILING!!” (Rangel, Black Families Are In A State of Emergency, 2005). An issue a mist the black community that is rarely publicized or spoken about is the phenomenon of the “Single Black Mother”. More times than not we see single mother’s and assume that they are strong, independent and defying all odds for the greater good of her child(ren). At times it even seems that amongst the black community, being a black single mother renders a certain level of respect and accolades amongst the black culture. Often times it is ASSUMED that the woman is doing it “all alone” due to the father not being present or rarely involved with the child BY CHOICE rendering the mother the SOLE caretaker of the child or children. We seldom stop to think of any other logical explanation for the racial skew of BLACK women as single mothers amongst other races of women, other than that the father’s MUST be deadbeats somewhere living their “best lives” child free. Meanwhile, the woman is left to work 2 -3 jobs slaving away in spite of child support and government assistance to make a living for herself and her seed, still managing to keep her hair, nails and toes DONE!

Some mothers GLADLY post HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ME! As a slight and bash at the men they decided to CREATE children with insinuating that she is BOTH, mother and father to her child. Without drowning in the NUMEROUS reasons this could never be emotionally, mentally or PHYSICALLY correct the issue remains as OTHER women congratulate and applaud this sort of behavior.

But what if I told you this was FAR from the truth for some and that an even more grim situation is happening RIGHT before our eyes within our community that has continued to CRIPPLE and sabotage the BLACK FAMILY UNIT for generations and generations while being disguised as a badge of honor and resilience. What if I told you some of the children being raised by “single Mothers” have been “DOMESTICALLY KIDNAPPED” and the father does not even KNOW where they ARE; due to SIMPLY no longer being with the MOTHER!!

I am not referring to the normal definition of kidnapping as taking someone else’s child and holding them for a ransom. I am referring to a mother that PURPOSELY keeps the children away from their father for any reason other than imminent abuse or neglect! In the state of Georgia if a couple is not married and a child is conceived the mother is automatically awarded full custody of the child rendering the father powerless of any legal or detrimental decisions for the child. Visitation is often left to the judgement of the parents involved which most times than not results in the father rarely if ever seeing his children. The father pays child support without the mother being held to any law regarding visitation for the father. There have been several circumstances where the mother has purposely refrained from allowing the father to interact or visit with his children due to entering a new relationship, having bitter or residual feelings for the father or choosing to move out of the city or state!

Recently while scanning snapchat I came across a post from a friend of mine that was enraptured at the decision of the court to FINALLY award him custody of his twin children. He gritted his teeth into the camera and spit “YES!!! YES!!!! I FINALLY GET TO GET MY KIDS!!!!!!!! ……… The energy and power of his confession was even more moving due to personally knowing his family and witnessing the love, nurture and support they give to their shared children. They seem to be adventurous and whimsical but most importantly NON JUDGEMENTAL! It seems they have RELEASED their children of the obligation to “make them proud” and to instead choose to be THEMSELVES (Tyquaile, Shamiria, 2022), which is the greatest gift ANY parent could give their child. I can not imagine not being able to share the same life with ALL of my children due to a misunderstanding or romantic misfortune between two ADULTS!

Father finally being awarded custody of his children after several years. (Video was authorized for usage by present individual J.A.B 2022)

Could you imagine not knowing where your child is or what is happening to them? Who they are interacting with and having an influence over their lives instead of you? Could you imagine laying awake at night wondering what they are thinking about you and if you will ever see them again. Could you imagine awaiting the day you can touch them or hold them again however, afraid of what they have learned to feel about a situation that was out of your control? Could you wonder for the rest of your life if you will ever truly have a relationship or bond with the most IMPORTANT person/people in your life? While the person that took them carried on as a HERO?

IF THE ANSWER TO THIS IS NO then IMAGINE what it must feel like for a father who’s children were/are BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM!! If you are a black woman CLAIMING to be a SINGLE MOTHER however, aware that the father of your children would DEARLY want to see or visit with his kids YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE MOTHER! You should be a FELON!

Women that are friends with “SINGLE MOTHERS” that are purposely not being home, in town or blatantly keeping them apart from their fathers, stop being afraid to tell your FRIEND that she is not ONLY hurting the father but she is hurting her CHILDREN and leaving them to be CONFUSED later in life when they DO SEEK OUT THEIR FATHERS side of the story, WHICH THEY WILL….You will have much explaining to do and if things do not add up you will have worn the badge of SINGLE MOTHER only to later pay the price of being a SELFISH MOTHER instead.

Women if you are with a man that has children of which he pays child support for and has not seen in YEARS, do not disregard or attempt to gaslight his situation! He is NOT OK! There is a process to getting custody and visitation with your kids however, it is not an overnight program and does take time! If he is wanting to begin the grueling process of locating his children DO IT WITH HIM IF YOU TRULY SUPPORT HIM! You would want him to support YOU if it was YOUR CHILD!!!

Last but NOT least, if you are a father that has lost your children in a bitter emotional drama and feel helpless or powerless in life as your kiddos grow and learn without you, you are NOT alone! There are many other men dealing with the SAME emotional dilemma as well. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO START THE PROCESS contact the courts today in regards to your children and how to set up scheduled visitation if you are paying child support for them. Believe it or not you do have an obligation STILL to your children, it may seem that they are “gone” and all you can do is stand by and wait…but it’s not TRUE. YOU CAN FIGHT AND YOU SHOULD!!!

Check out the podcast of this episode:

Resources:

https://anchor.fm/shamiria-mahaffey/

https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CRECB-2005-pt13/html/CRECB-2005-pt13-Pg17351-4.htm

Wanna Publish Your Own Book? 📖

With the release of my second and most recent African-American Children’s book entitled “The REAL GoldiLOCS” I have been asked by family, friends and “internet friends” to post a blog with details and information that could be helpful to both Write and PUBLISH A BOOK! While many think that writing a book takes hours upon hours and LOTS of MONEY…..they are RIGHT! but not always, it merely depends on the project and the type of book you are looking to publish!

When I first decided to write Children’s books I had no idea WHAT kind of children’s books I planned to write. Due to serving in the mental health community for over a decade as a case manager, supervised therapist, operations manager etc. I learned that children were my favorite people in the world! I learned how to understand on their level which more times than not made PERFECT sense compared to the sometimes overthought and overanalyzed options we give ourselves as “grown ups”. Anyways, as I worked with children I worked predominantly with BLACK and Latina children and for the first time I noticed there TRULY WAS A NEED FOR MORE MINORITY CHILDREN’S BOOKS!!!!

When I was a young girl I remember reading books such as “Amazing Grace” and “Boundless Grace” written by Mary Moffman and illustrated by Caroline Binch. Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters by John Steptoe, “Uncle Jed’s Barbershop” by Margaree King Mitchell and “Aunt Flossie’s Hat’s and Crabcakes Later” by Elizabeth Fitzgerald Howard. It was a treat to obtain money from my parents to attend the Book Fair at the School, and or be granted access to go to the School Library. Through books I learned not only my heritage and background but also how to be as a “child” and think of things as I should as a future Adult without the toxicity of Social Media and all of the other devices and networks that children are able to access now with the click of a button. More so for African-American culture than not: Violence, Sexual promiscuity and Indecent behavior is celebrated and requested in spite of SO MANY in the SPOTLIGHT claiming to want the BEST for our FUTURE!

Therefore, I saw a NEED for the style of book I chose to write. Not JUST Children’s books…but African American Children’s Books. Then when I thought of writing black children’s books I thought of WHAT I WANTED TO SAY TO THEM! Before writing a book you must know WHY you are writing it, WHO you are writing it too, and WHAT you are writing it for. I decided to write black children’s books with a REAL MESSAGE. We are in ZERO need of anymore stories about SLAVERY. While I understand that we MUST remember our past in order to be prepared for our future we must also have something to look FORWARD TO in the FUTURE, or the past will continue to repeat itself. My first African American Children’s book was entitled “Same Kind of People” and I both Wrote and published all in the same year and over 200 copies sold within the first 3 months. Far from a New York Times Best Seller but much better than anticipated being that I was merely dipping my toes in publishing world.

When it comes to PUBLISHING expect to spend some MONEY!!!!!! If your publisher is cheap you might as well do it yourself. MORE important than the work you put into every word and detail of your masterpiece is who you trust to peddle it to the masses! Beware of fake and faulty publishing agencies that pretend to offer 100% royalties out gate for your books. This is MORE times than not a SCANDEL and could result in you sending your uncopyrighted work to someone that will not only NOT pay you but possibly publish YOUR work for themselves and you have NO PROOF worth using to fight in court. The publishing agency I utilized was very polite, punctual on releases and imformation needed by Press and Media outlets as well as TOP SELLERS such as Barnes & Noble, Target, WAL-MART and Amazon ONLINE.

I have recently published my second book and as of now it is for sale at the above mentioned locations. I originally thought that I would never be able to have a book featured or located at these retailers due to thinking I had to be a “BIG NAME” or someone already in the public eye to obtain this sort of priviledge. IT IS NOT TRUE!!! My second book entitled “The REAL GoldiLOCS” features a little girl with LOCS that teaches a lion to have confidence about his hair and his place within the KINGDOM! I wrote this book for any and all kiddos that struggle with “LOC CONFIDENCE” and or feel that their hair is anything less than AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL! Recently I had the pleasure of meeting a young man in my area that struggled with Loc confidence and ultimately needed a story such as “The REAL GoldiLOCS” to obtain a NEW way of thinking about himself and his hair, which takes me back to my original statement that what a child reads could ultimately change their lives.

Find you purpose in writing and ensure that before you begin your journey you know exactly WHAT, WHO, WHY and HOW you plan to write to and about. This is how you will be able to remain grounded and centered in WHO YOU ARE while allowing your mind to wander deeper into your imagination and pull the MAGIC out!

https://www.amazon.com/Real-Goldilocs-Janace-L-Griffin/dp/1669807622/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=the+real+goldilocs&qid=1649795740&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Same-Kind-People-Janace-Griffin/dp/1664161341/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=3RDPW4HAFHGXA&keywords=same+kind+of+people&qid=1649795855&sprefix=same%2Caps%2C3284&sr=8-3

Is Polygamy the NEW Disrespect Black Women are Allowing? 💋💄

Lately this topic has been one I vowed to publish my independent opinion on due to coming into contact with SEVERAL individuals from my culture that have decided this way of living is the most organic and even holistic way of carrying out long-term relationships. I’ve had the honor of speaking to a woman that believes polygamist relationships are about “sharing and trust” and a man that feels polygamy is not about a LACK of commitment but an even “GREATER commitment”. Neither is FALSE! But what do you think?

Without wanting to delve to deeply into Christianity or religion I must say, multiple times in the Bible men had several wives and this was acceptable as long as he was prepared to care for them all in the same fashion. In today’s day and age this would be the equivalent of paying 2 women’s bills as well as catering to their individual wants and desires and children!

I don’t know about YOU and no disrespect to my spouse but I have yet to find a male that can handle ONE woman most days. Why on earth would you want 3? And as far as multiple households, men now days are griping about CHILD SUPPORT! While I can understand that through open communication and trust, a sense of unity and even mutual concern could grow between persons to include romantic feelings; however, as a woman’s NATURAL territorial instincts kick in how are the feelings of inadequacy, betrayal or neglect not taken into consideration?

Also while addressing biblical implications it can not go without say that when multiple wives were involved there was also usually some DRAMA!!! Whether one felt the other wife was having more children than the her or one wife was prettier it drove the man involved CRAZY! So besides a man’s lustful pleasures and even mental escape when one woman is getting on his nerves perhaps the other is in a better mood, what are the TRUE GAINS of a polygamous relationship FOR A WOMAN?

I am unsure of if my lense has been contoured to seeing predominantly African-American individuals involved in relationships such as these, I am sure ALL cultures have citizens with this unique way of understanding and feeling about love, more often I have witnessed these persons to be Muslim or of other religious backgrounds other than Christianity.

However, I can only speak for MY RACE and MY CULTURE so with that being said as a BLACK WOMAN I CAN NOT IMAGINE knowing or seeing my husband with ANOTHER WOMAN and count it as sharing, trust, commitment or any other thing other than cheating and betrayal of his vows to have and to hold ME AND ONLY ME! Marrying multiple individuals has been ABOLISHED and you can now even be sent to jail if it is found that you have done so. So why would it be ok to have multiple members that you are sexually active with and:

1) Not pay their bills

2) Not be Married to them

3) Not be able to cater ALL of their unique needs and desires?

This picture was taken from the IG page of a friend of mine that I have discussed this topic with on numerous occasions. To my delight never becoming irritated or tired of my seemingly bottomless questions and inquiries. The picture depicts a Black Woman standing as Queen while insinuating that if you play the game of chess and find yourself with more than ONE Queen you know the power and energy you posses in life as well as in the game.

Where the issue lies is…Life is a DIFFERENT sort of game. While I can NOT say life is NOT a game I can say that it is a DIFFERENT sort in the sense that these pieces have actual FEELINGS! In the book “Virtue of Selfishness” written by Ayne Rande she discusses a unique yet genuinely true understanding of levels within the imagination of “selfishness”. As I utilize the term Selfishness I do so as she did to insinuate “ones preoccupation with self against preoccupation with others”.

To put it in layman’s terms you would never call a plant selfish because it hogs all the sun and water and thrives on. Or a weasel selfish for catching a mouse for itself and dragging it back to its hole instead of giving it to you! However, amongst HUMANS selfishness is based on an imaginary code of Ethics that some have chosen NOT to adhere to and to follow the beat of their own drums so to speak. In relevance to the theory of Ayne Rande to utilize the term “selfishness” in the most basic of ways TECHNICALLY it would be SELFISH to feel you are the ONLY ONE for another and they are not able to have multiple soulmates or companions. Would it not be selfish to confiscate the other person’s choice of intimacy?

On the other hand “selfishness” from my perspective I would find it selfish of my husband to believe he needed MORE than ONE woman. Most times polygamous relationships consist of ONE man and multiple WOMEN. I have heard of this being reversed but not as often. Never have I seen multiple men involved with the same women harmoniously and being ok with this arrangement unless it was only a temporary set up for a GANG BANG video. What are we missing about polygamy that is better than the “old fashion way” of having ONE person to share your life and love with that was made JUST for you? ♥️

How do you maintain control of a polygamous relationship and it not become a man with MULTIPLE women whenever it’s convenient?

If other men are involved with the women how does it not just become a “situationship” where NOBODY is really involved and it is just a group of individuals that KNOW OF one another and that they are also intimate with their partner lol.

Feel free to comment your thoughts on this but please remain respectful as always! Thank you for reading!

Check out the podcast of this blog: https://anchor.fm/junkdredz/episodes/Is-Polygamy-the-NEW-Disrespect-Black-Women-are-Allowing-e1ipp3r

Just call it Feminist Art and they will go crazy over it!💃🏾

Today I felt particularly artistic and decided to snap a couple of photos of things in my surrounding area. By surrounding area I am referring to all that lay within iPhone camera reach of my bed! It was just the coming of morning and I had yet to rise for the day or start the tediously necessary task that awaited me. I planned to hop too and get on with it, but FIRST…..I vowed to post a blog, after what feels like a century.

Lately I have been overwhelmed with resettling into our newly purchased home and life in Texas, as well as truly diving into my passion for art and literature not just as a hobby anymore but a legitimate BUSINESS! I’d hoped to stumble upon something interesting through the aimless snapshots that would spark a bit of festivity in my brain in order to write something worth reading till the end about life and learning.

However, as I’m snapping pictures lackadaisically with my phone, testing the edits, filters, strength of pixels and pigments I was laying next to my spouse who seemed unaffected and unamused by my bits of movement and constant readjusting. Then all of a sudden I had the most wicked idea! I removed my undies and snapped a settle yet candid pic of my nether region for sport.

Before you get off suggesting I am a complete pervert or loony I must add, I precisely remember nude works of art being widely praised and even sought after in locations much further advanced artistically than ours such as France, Greece, Rome etc. In the American culture it seems it is acceptable to show EVERYTHING BUT the actual reproductive organs which most times could result in a male wearing nothing but a JOCK STRAP and a woman a thong and pasties simply to remain in the sheer confounds of acceptability.

Never the less, in the most peculiarly comforting way I absolutely ADORED the picture! Not because it was well…ME…but because of what part of me it happened to be. As a woman, more precisely a BLACK WOMAN, more often than not we are shamed for carrying a womb. Seen as weak, vulnerable, undeserving of certain levels of respect and dignity even a bit exploited in chauvinistic and demoralizing ways all in the name of “music”, “fashion”, and “relevance”.

Amongst the African American culture it seems the vulva is seen as useless other than for reproduction, pleasure or recently unapologetically, monetary value! Ironically for America to be against acts of nudity and “indecent exposure” more often than not women of my race and nationality are exposed in the most unbecoming and misogynistic of ways and found to be “normal”, even celebrated.

While it seems “sex sells” does it REALLY? The saying goes “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Currently it seems you can at least WITNESS sex for free anytime and anywhere. Whether it be on the internet, T.V. after hours Etc. As I took in the features of the picture I toned, edited and enhanced the photo in black and white to truly make the relevant details pop and stand out for even greater “appreciation” of what I perceived to be the “origin” of not only life but also the death of something that was once seen as sacred.

After nudging my husband awake finally ready to succumb to any and all consequences of waking him before NOON on a Sunday, he finally rolled over in annoyance to see what was more important than his last moments of hibernation. When I showed him the picture his response was “why are you like this!” Before attempting to turn back to the wall and chase down the remnants of sleep he’d missed in the few seconds he utilized to respond.

Certain that he merely did not understand my vision or newly self appointed need to send the world a message that “WOMAN IS MY SUPERPOWER not my DEMISE”, I decided to call my mother certain she’d be interested in exploring my insight and admiration for simply BEING WOMAN. To my surprise as supportive as my mother has always been she simply did not appreciate the uncensored review of her daughters vaginal region.

Even after watching me birth my son less than 2 years ago and wholeheartedly supporting women all over the world in many ways wether it be spiritually, emotionally or mentally, she still could not find it within to look at the picture as a “masterpiece of self reclaimed acceptance and appreciation”. She did note that she felt my sense of art and taste was beginning to delve a bit into the deep end and I should be careful not to become another “slightly detached from reality artist”.

It is important to note that my mother has been both witness and culprit to many uncensored conversations and reports throughout my sister and I’s life. Up to and including her new found romantic life after the passing of our father in 2018. Never has she grimaced at the thought of sharing with her children the raw and rugged details of her interludes or happenstances. I even welcomed the conversations due to realizing that after 32 years of marriage she was embarking upon a journey of “singularity” and romantic minimalism that I knew all too well until FINALLY meeting my husband after 2 failed marriages.

After making it clear she did not wish to view my curated, filtered and edited vagina, she casually suggested that I send the self-entitled “photogenic masterpiece” to my sister, sure she would be a better candidate for the far fetched and “extreme” ideation I was attempting to suggest as if this form of photography did not already exist. A bit disappointed I hastily sent the picture to my sister. It did not take more than 10 seconds for a response.

Sister: Wtf! Why? I’m literally never looking at your art again and I’m turning my read receipts off!

Me: It’s ART! I will call it “origin”

Sister: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL IT! No! Just NO!

I sat in awe at how quickly the situation had exited my control and now certain that I was on the outskirts of acceptance with my closest female counterparts. Understandably I could see where they would feel a bit of discomfort knowing that this was ME. However, it is not the first time we have seen one another in the nude and I would much rather see them than a STRANGER, so what was different about this time?!

After sulking to my husband about my failed attempt to create a talking point amongst my valued female relatives, he casually stated “bae, it’s alright, if you see art in it that’s all that matters, it’s all in the eye of the beholder….but you better not post that art piece ANYWHERE!”

Still a bit dismayed by the lack of projected response from those I thought understood and knew me the best I found myself divulging this VERY tale to another ARTISTICALLY INCLINED friend of mine and ex-co worker. Through our conversation I was surprised that the greater vote had been wrong after all and I was NOT UNSTABLE ! Or at least there was someone else out there with the same condition as me so that made it alright!

After sharing the humorously uncomfortable situation from beginning to end WITHOUT ACTUALLY DISCLOSING my “work” for fear of feeling like a pervert after all, she laughed and said “ No, I get it, the appreciation of US as natural beings, just call it Feminist Art and they will go crazy over it!

“She Isn’t Me”…💅🏾

Taken back by the nostalgia of the bitter sweet ending of us.

I know we both probably hoped we would hurt a little, but we both seem happy.

Perhaps I should have “learned a lesson” but even after all this time, the truth still evades me

Unsure of where the “WE” and “US” went wrong

Why did the blowing of kisses turn to blows in the kisser;

Why did our pride in love, turn to a love of pride

Could you have stopped if you wanted too?

Me neither….

I tried, I screamed so loud it was heard inside and out.

I dug my feet in and leaned back, hoping reality would grow tired and let go instead of me.

But now you are with her and the fact of the matter is “She isnt Me”

She could never be…

Listen to the spoken word of this blog: https://anchor.fm/junkdredz/episodes/Poetry-Break-She-Isnt-Me-e1ipp3p

Are you SINGLE because you are TOO good of a HOMEBOY/HOMEGIRL 👬🏿👯‍♀️

I felt the need to write a blog about this topic due to the consistent number of individuals I have noticed within my community of African-American individuals that tend to have issues securing successful romantic relationships or family ties due to instead choosing an overly dedicated sense of loyalty to friendships and relationships with others outside of what would assumedly be their “intimate” circle ie. wife, siblings, close family members. Many times these individuals (HomeBOY/HomeGIRL type)are very charismatic, funny, loyal and dependable, not always “attractive” however, sometimes their “personality of GOLD” outshines the not so enticing physical characteristics. They tend to always be there when you need them the most and only a phone call or text away. One day you think to yourself:

SELF: “hmmm They say before being involved romantically you should have a friendship?! This person makes a MARVELOUS friend therefore, they must make to be an even more WONDERFUL partner RIGHT!”

REALITY: Nah fam, They priorities is F’d up….

SELF:

If we decide to enter a romantic relationship with a HOMEBOY/HOMEGIRL type, we feel instantly lucky to have them as “our own” due to feeling what they depicted they would do for you as a “friend” would translate to what they would do for you as a lover. In other words, it’s all good until you realize that “Homies TRULY DO come first” and you just moved into second place by thinking you were solidifying a more PERMANENT place in their lives as a lover. Most times when you decide to break up with a “HomeBOY/HomeGIRL” type they have many friends that think you are the enemy in the matter, They will even go as far as to say YOU did not know what YOU had. Some will think you are jealous, controlling or just down right crazy without truly knowing what it feels like to be with “the homie”.

This is only because LIKE YOU once upon a time, they can not see the other side of the coin, which consisted of nights spent alone due to “the homie needing someone to be their because of a break-up or loss”, or events missed because “they promised the homie they would be there for their event for their child and they don’t go back on their word!” or last but not least “GIRLS NIGHT OUT”/ “BOYS NIGHT OUT”.

I am not saying that going out with your friends without your significant other is not needed or necessary from time to time to continue to form intimate bonds with your friends or people you are close to other than your lover. Guys must hang out with other guys to cleanse their pallets after HOURS upon HOURS of shopping with their significant other for make-up, bras, kids clothes, their OWN clothes, work etc. A game of pool and a beer is NOT a means to say your partner is a HOMEBOY type. Even GUYtrips consisting of a small group of friends that get together every so often to keep up with life and one another’s movements and endeavors are nothing out of the ordinary. However, if he is going out with his homies EVERY week, for HOURS, coming home WHENEVER and unable to be there for you emotionally, intimately, romantically or spiritually because of an obligation to a person other than someone HIGHER on the totem poll AKA a PARENT (only if you are not married), then you may want to re-evaluate your place in their lives and what they truly value.

I would venture to say from a Black woman’s stand-point being a HOMEGIRL type is WORST than being a HOMEBOY type because unfortunately, HomeGIRL types often times end up being SINGLE mothers or not with the ORIGINAL father of their child. Again this is not because they are not WONDERFUL WOMEN, their priorities and responsibilities are set up in a way that does not put their partner first or allow their partner to feel secure. Instead they are/were to busy being a HOMEGIRL!!!!!! truth is SOME WOMEN HAVE TOO MUCH LOYALTY TO THE WRONG PEOPLE AND WRONG THINGS!!! It is not always the man’s fault if he decides he does not WANT TO BE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU WONT PRIORITIZE HINM! It does not always mean that the man is insecure because he does not want to CONTINUE to CHASE what he thought was already HIS!!!!!!!!!

Hanging out with your friends is a dope time to vent about the woes of the workplace, relationship and family issues if you are comfortable and would like some outside opinions from people you trust. However, be sure that the individuals you decide to accept opinions from have WHAT YOU WANT or ATLEAST something LIKE IT!! I wouldn’t ask a fish how to fly or a bird how to swim unless they were FLYING FISHES!!!!

Last but not least, if you have read this blog and feel I was talking TO YOU! Instead of feeling hit listen to how you can allow yourself to continue to LOVE your friends and loved ones but allow yourself to be LOVED also by those closest to you or trying to be. Remind yourself that their are levels to having ACCESS to you. Some people only get to know you on social media, some you may text from time to time or talk to on the phone, others you meet and share personal information about yourself with and some go on to be FAMILY, but not ALL. Remember that by prioritizing your family and friends you are in return prioritizing YOURSELF!! I am willing to accept any responses or feedback to this post!

Check out the PODCAST of this blog a 3 part SHORT Series, 3 reasons you are still SINGLE OVER 30:

Part 1: too much of a homeboy/home girl type:

https://anchor.fm/junkdredz/episodes/Part-1-Are-you-SINGLE-because-you-are-TOO-good-of-a-HOMEBOYHOMEGIRL-

Part 2: Still give off the perception of being in the “streets”

https://anchor.fm/junkdredz/episodes/Part-2-Single-after-30–Are-you-SINGLE-because-you-are-STILL-giving-the-impression-you-are-in-the-STREETS-e1jjijs

Part 3: Not Dating correctly!! Moving too fast

https://anchor.fm/junkdredz/episodes/Part-3-Single-after-30–Are-you-SINGLE-because-you-MOVING-TOO-FAST-or-DONT-yet-know-YOURSELF-e1jjqku

Today….🌻

So TODAY I chose to write a blog about JUST FOCUSING ON TODAY…not tomorrow, not yesterday, not next week or any point in the past or future. Sometimes I believe people get overwhelmed simply by planning for the unplannable or constantly reminiscing about events that can no longer be changed or altered. What difference does it make what happened the first half of this year, when you have a whole half of a year left to complete all new task, goals and responsibilities. When you focus on life day by day it becomes less daunting to think about the future, why? Because you have prepared without even knowing you were preparing. You commit to TODAY for TOMORROW by simply focusing on the plan of TODAY. Allowing tomorrow to ALWAYS be free for the surprises life throws at you, that sometimes prevents us from doing what we had “planned” to do, pushing it to the next day and the next day and the next day.

Some people may say, “I can understand not living in the past” but how could I NOT think about and plan for the future? The answer is simple. If it bothered you today, I am sure it will bother you tomorrow. SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT TODAY! Procrastination most times is what makes us avoid task or even causes great deals of stress when we realize we have put that “thing” off long enough to forget about it and now we must scramble to improvise. The issue was not the procrastination as much as it was being too busy looking to far into the future than you should have. If you planned on doing something TOMORROW that you have time to do TODAY then you have determined WITHOUT truly KNOWING for SURE that you will do something on a day you are not even sure you will have! Where as if you get it done TODAY you wont have to worry about it tomorrow, and so on and so forth.

TODAY allow yourself to be present in the present and handle TODAY what must be done TOMORROW! You will find you will be ahead of the game more often than not.

Poetry Break🌏:

Sometimes it seems we are God’s Greatest mistake and greatest love.

God weeps while we lust and sin

As so many women have done over men

When does it end?

Is God a Black Woman?

-SomeDopeBlackGirl, 2021, SomeDopeBlackGirlWrites

“Rock and Roll” (See Galleria 📸)

Original Photography by SomeDopeBlackGirlWrites: “Rock and Roll”, copyright 2021

Strong Black Woman Vs Strong Black B*tch?✊🏾💯✅

It seems the more information I share on this topic the more my own race and gender turn against me for MY truth. A portion of them are still willing to understand my point of view and even SHARE SIMILAR feelings, yet are unsure of how to express themselves in a “politically correct” fashion. I am not that woman…I am the woman that says what I mean and means what I say, SO… as I write this blog, I want all of my “STRONG, BLACK, EDUCATED, INDEPENDANT, CLASSY AND SUPPORTIVE WOMAN to STAND UP and pat themselves on the back…and I want my STRONG, BLACK, EDUCATED, INDEPENDANT, RATCHETT AND IMMATURE SISTAS to SIT DOWN and LISTEN (if you can and not already feeling attacked) lol.

DID YOU KNOW: Men really are not INTIMIDATED BY a woman’s DEGREE or POSITION? What intimidates them is how a woman carries herself!

***I will explain later in this passage, for the moment I want to continue to layer coats of TRUTH on the OFTEN misunderstood and misinterpreted actions of others. Often times this misunderstanding is on the part of the Strong Black B*tch (SBB). These women have it ALL wrong, which only further encourages them to continue to address situations in their lives with a level of harshness, severity and manipulation that eventually lands them ALONE!! (Which ALWAYS seems to be “the fault of OTHERS” NEVER THEMSELVES).

DID YOU KNOW: Being a STRONG BLACK B*TCH will get you a high position as well as possibly allow you to be in control of many situations however, your employees, co-workers and even loved ones may not RESPECT you?

DID YOU KNOW: Being a Strong Black Woman (SBW) does not mean you must take on the burden of every emotion, hurt, loss, defeat or issue for a loved one? You can say “I can’t do this right now” or “I am not emotionally available for this” and not be a Strong Black B*tch?

Last but not least… DID YOU KNOW: Strong Black B*tches are usually highly educated, qualified and skilled in a variety of talents yet never seem to be able to solidify a team to assist them in their endeavors? Causing their dreams to often times be HARDER to achieve due to lack of assistance directly related to their demeanor or attitude?

Now, my first “little known Black History” fact was:

“Men really are not INTIMIDATED BY YOUR POSITION? What intimidates them is how you CARRY YOURSELF?” Meaning HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR DEGREES!!!! YES while he may be extremely impressed and feel a bit challenged to go above and beyond with hopes of being an independent woman’s partner; fully aware that he will need to do more than pay for a dinner and have a nice car to gain her trust and confidence. Where it goes downhill is when he mistakes a Strong Black B*tch for a Strong Black WOMAN! He finds out within the first couple interactions which one she is and whether he is looking to settle down with her or screw her, merely for the notch in his belt and then get rid of her as fast as possible.

1. A SBB does not offer to go dutch for a date…EVER, instead she feels entitled to the gesture and feels the man should be grateful for her company alone.
2. A SBB is often bossy or even abrasive and aggressive with advice instead of offering sound/logical insight and standing firm on her feelings about the issue while still respecting the decision that is made by the other person for THEIR LIFE!
3. SBB’s often bash others or make them feel inadequate in public situations or suggest they are jealous of her accomplishments.
4. SBB’s are the ULTIMATE “I TOLD YA SO”, meaning if she did offer insight on a situation and you decided not to follow it, she is the LAST person you would admit this too. This severs trust as well as gratitude for her logic and rationale even if it is useful.
5. Last but not least, a SBB CAN NOT GET ENOUGH of talking about herself and her accomplishments. MEN LOVE CONFIDENT WOMEN, however, this comes off as self absorbed leaving little room for anyone else to sit in the corner even to admire the accolades she is trying so hard to showcase.

My second DID YOU KNOW was: Being a STRONG BLACK B*TCH will get you a high position as well as possibly allow you to be in control of many situations however, your employees, co-workers and even loved ones may not RESPECT YOU?

The hardest part of being a leader in my opinion is the harsh truth that you can not please EVERYBODY! No matter how hard you try to do what is best for your team while also considering yourself and your own mental health, there will always be someone that does not AGREE or feels you are being selfish. However, the difference between a SBB and a SBW is:

1. A SBB never considers the thoughts, feelings or responsibilities of others only her own and feels others are lazy or attempting to sabotage her in some way when they are not able to complete HER goals/timelines, or do not agree with her vision.
2. A SBB often throws others under the bus for her own personal gain or recognition. While it is understood that “credit should be given where credit is due”, it is not always necessary to stand on top of the soap box and announce to EVERYONE what you did, how you did it, who was supposed to do it and HOW GREAT IT IS BECAUSE YOU DID IT!…..guess what….nobody cares and now that they can see you did it “so well” you will continue to do it..by YOURSELF! Since nobody can “do it better” than you…..right?!
3. While SBW’s are able to solicit the help of many on her team and incorporate the idea’s of other’s to make a vision obtainable and realistic AKA giving others (even if just a mirage) a sense of importance and assurance that they are being heard and considered. A SBB will make demands as well as result in retaliation when not agreed with or an individual(s) speak out against their rude or insensitive nature.

DID YOU KNOW: Being a Strong Black Woman (SBW) does not mean you must take on the burden of every emotion, hurt, loss, defeat or issue for a loved one? You can say “I can’t do this right now” or “I am not emotionally available for this” and not be a Strong Black B*tch?

1. More times than not, the responsibility of upholding the emotions and strength of a family or relationship (work or intimate) can fall on the shoulders of a SBW and it is assumed that because she is a SBW she never has times she just needs to focus on HER!!!
2. As a SBW it is “OK NOT TO BE OK!” many say this however, do not offer the leverage to TRULY care for YOURSELF! It’s like saying “Get well SOON…..FR….Cause you got work to do…so hurry up” smh.
3. Naomi Osaka was not the First to take a stand for mental health however, I am willing to put my new shoes on the line and argue that she is definitely a PIONEER for a topic that should never have been taboo in the first place! IF you are human you will have BAD DAYS! Days where you do not feel 100% or just need time to reflect on your next phases in life. Part of being a SBW is being able to recogize when you have reached that peak, so that you do not run the risk of becoming a SBB!

Lastly: DID YOU KNOW: Strong Black B*tches are usually highly educated, qualified and skilled in a variety of talents yet never seem to be able to solidify a team to assist them in their endeavors? Causing their dreams to often times be HARDER to achieve due to lack of assistance directly related to their demeanor or attitude?

1. Surely we all have been victim to a SBB at one point or another either intimately or professionally. All they do is talk about how qualified they are, how many degrees they have, where they got them and what they got them in, their extensive training and skills. This will initially intrigue many out of sheer curiosity, however after NOT so long it gets VERY OLD! Often times it can also begin to turn others off that may have been in a position to help you, they will see you as self absorbed and cocky.
2. If you refer back to my blog entitled “You Are NOT Beyonce” I state that there is a such thing as “playing the game”, in playing this game you must temporarily be or pretend to be someone you truly are not, long enough to obtain whatever accolade or personal gain you hope to acheive. SBB are not able to play this game. They feel it is unnecessary and a waste of time however, NOT to play the game is not an option when you are in need of other people or their services. You could be the most qualified in the room but if you are not able to apprach others with a sense of humility and grace you will also be the most qualified B*tch in the room that nobody wants to conversate with, just ABOUT!
3. Being highly educated and marketable is a blessing, especially in the black community where it is arguably much harder to achieve the same levels of success as that of our Caucasian counterparts. Therefore, it is imperative that we not give anyone, ANY reason NOT to open the door for us to atleast stick a foot in. SBB’s do not realize the doors they close with their personalities and demeanors until it is too late. Often times causing them to lash out and suggest it is the fault of the “universe” or “people that simply do not want to see them win”….both ARE ACCURATE!!! When you feed sh*t into the atmosphere naturally sh*t will come back to you, and when you are not a team player or someone that can be worked with naturally others will NOT WANT TO SEE YOU SUCCEED. Because they feel the victory will only further BLOW YOUR HEAD UP!

I know this post may have came off a bit harsh and even abrasive for my SBB‘s but WHY NOT!!!! They come off that way to EVERYONE! Why not give them a dose of their own medicine as well as let it be known that IT’S NOT COOL! Stop blaming everyone for your downfalls as if you don’t know why people are not falling over themselves to assist you! The fact is you can be a SBW without being a SBB and sometimes certain situations will call for the SBB in a SBW to emerge…however, if she is doing it right those times will be seldom. My father use to tell me you can always find the idiot in a crowded room if you listen to who is talking the loudest and THE MOST!!!!!

Ladies be aware of yourselves and remember your place in the GAME! If you make the right moves you will never have to sacrifice YOURSELF AKA allow others to CHOOSE not to support your cause or development merely based on their IMPRESSION of you…..you are THE QUEEN in this GAME ♟. When it comes to a romantic relationship remember…the Queen may be the most powerful piece on the board but when your KING dies….it’s GAME OVER! Remembering your PLACE does not mean not being able to MAKE MOVES or that you have to succumb to any level of disrespect or neglect. SBB‘s….STOP BEING AFRAID that someone will take advantage of you! The fact of the matter is you are taking advantage of yourself and shorting YOURSELF…my mom use to say “It’s a lot easier to attract bees 🐝 with honey 🍯 than shxt 💩”.

As always thank you for reading and I hope to hear your insight on this topic! No comment is blocked, erased or reported on my site! I am GROWN! All I ask is that you remain RESPECTFUL, especially my SBB’s!!! SEE YA!